In the past, I’ve given ultra-helpful, totally serious guidance to folks who needed help with their axe-throwing nicknames. You’re welcome. But it occurred to me that, out of the two, naming your axes is far more difficult, and I guess more rare? Ever the helper to the masses, I’m proud to share this handy guide – designed to help you discover your axe’s power names.
OBVIOUSLY these names need to strike fear into the hearts of targets and speak to the intangible relationship between themselves and their wielder. This isn’t a fly-by-night process. Unless, uh, you know, you have a lil table to help determine it.
| FIRST INITIAL OF AXE MAKER (BRAND OR BUILDER), OR PRODUCTION NAME | YOUR AXE’S FIRST NAME | PRIMARY COLOR OF HANDLE | YOUR AXE’S LAST NAME |
| A | Creepy | LIGHT WOOD | Skyspinner |
| B | Lil’ | DARK WOOD | Blumpers |
| C | Slippy | RED | Missedclutch |
| D | Cheesy | BLUE | Lord of Dance |
| E | Heavy | GREEN | The Jenk |
| F | William | YELLOW | Whippet |
| G | The 1987 hit “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2 | PURPLE | The Last of their name |
| H | Droppy | PINK | Lil’guy |
| I | Grandpappy | MULTICOLOR | Gringle |
| J | Cream-filled | CAMO | Gatorpuncher |
| K | Grungle | CLEAR (WUT?) | BigPoints |
| L | Swift | WHITE | PIZZA TIMEEEE! |
| M | Spinning | BLACK | Chickenfeets |
| N | Franklin | SPARKLES | B’clutchin |
| O | Whooooooaaa, it’s | COVERED IN STICKERS | Yas Qween |
| P | Big Swing | RESIN SECTIONED | Pibber |
| Q | Tippy-tappin’ | ||
| R | Smelly | ||
| S | Lord Commander | ||
| T | Penelope | ||
| U | Whoopsie | ||
| V | Rent Check | ||
| W | Crinch-Cronch | ||
| X | Spittin’ | ||
| Y | Thundering | ||
| Z | Greg |
In my case, I’ve got…
William Skyspinner, Slippy Gringle and Droppy Blumpers.
…welp.
