Four axe throwers I hate: A list.

Listing axe throwers I hate is a great way to, you know, sink this blog. But I’m tired of the act. I’m tired of the hugs and the smiles and the support and all that junk.

I’m tired of acting like the axe throwing community absolutely, without question, loves every single person in it.

That we, as a group, are just absent of jerks. Of just crumby, bone-headed, selfish plebs who can bring down the vibes of an entire tourney.

It’s a lie. A convenient lie that we tell ourselves to avoid addressing one of the big problems in axe throwing: we’ve got some real dinguses. And frankly, dear reader, I’m not gonna keep my mouth shut about it anymore. I’m naming names. I’m calling people out. So buckle in, because the blood bath starts now.

Axe throwers who don’t celebrate other axe throwers.

Just. Listen. Listen to me, with your brain voice that says things that you’re reading (unless you’re one of those folks that doesn’t have that inner monologue, which is wild to me as someone who literally can’t turn that guy off): Life is rough. Nobody is having a real good time. So if someone you don’t even know hits an 81/gets a perfect round/nails a clutch when that’s a rare thing, and people start clapping, you better start clapping, too. Hoot and holler. Celebrate with that person.

Because, brother bear, you might think you’re too cool to express happiness for other throwers, but you’re still just a nerd hucking metal at wood. Get over yerself.

Axe throwers who won’t help keep score.

I think there should be a rule in axe throwing that the winner of the last match keeps score for the next one. Call me a revolutionary. Because in the absence of this rule, we’ve got the same few people keeping score every league night/tourney while other folks just vogue around the axe venue, free of worry and AxeScores related PTSD.

Friend, do your part. Get yourself a bevvy and sit down in front of that glowing screen of big hopes and even bigger fears. GET OVER YERSELF.

When an axe thrower gets really down on themselves.

Inside you are two wolves. You should see a doctor.

But there is also, inside most of us, a big ol’ critic. And that critic can sometimes work overtime telling throwers how they are messing up, or that they won’t ever accomplish X or Y or even, yes, Z.

And it breaks my little badgery heart to see it. Hell, I’m this thrower a lot of the time – I get it. But being down on yourself isn’t terrifically helpful in any regard. I mean, feel your feelings, for sure, but don’t let it consume you.

To that end, if you find that you’re only getting down on yourself every single time you throw, maybe it’s time to take a good hard look at whether you’re having any fun at all throwing axes. If not, maybe it’s time for a break? I’m not one of those “you must throw forever and always” people – taking breaks to find the joy again is a great idea for some people. But make sure you start that process by giving yourself a break. GIVE A BREAK TO YOURSELF ABOUT YOURSELF.

Axe throwers who give unsolicited advice but like, a lot of it.

Axe throwers love giving advice. They love helping each other figure out how to throw even gooder. But I’ve noticed a repeating, annoying sort of axe thrower that pops up whenever someone is new or struggling or having an off day: the pile-on advice giver. It looks like this:

Adviser 1: Step back a few inches

Adviser 2: Keep your elbow in

Adviser 3: And complete your step before throwing

Adviser 4: Release at eye level, use the arc of your throw, call your mother, learn ballet

Each of those little tidbits are (potentially) useful, but all at once? Forget it. You’re gonna cause that thrower getting the advice to get so very confused. If someone is struggling, first ask if they’d like advice, and if someone else is already helping, consider running your own advice through that person instead of just shouting it out like some sort of sea lion who’s hoping for a frozen baitfish.

Anyway, try not to be those throwers. And sorry if you thought there was gonna be a list of specific axe throwers that I hate in this post. I’m a sneaky pete.