a new custom axe throwing product!

The IATF isn’t the only multi-national organization that can come out with premium products for this goofy sport. Point in fact, I think we here at Axe Badger HQ are uniquely positioned to make a custom axe throwing product for the masses.

I’m so happy to announce that, after minutes in Adobe Express years of optimization and research, The Axe Badger Department of Product Development has released a brand new, game-changing axe handle for all the serious throwers out there.

In fact, I’m fairly certain this axe handle is going to change the game SO MUCH that the IATF will have no option but to change the rules to accommodate the sharp increase in perfect games in the ’26/’27 season.

introducing the integrated chalk handle: The ICH

the first custom axe throwing handle with not one, but two built-in chalk options

The ICH is a custom axe throwing product made for axe throwers who just…who really are just living life with wet mitts. Just reeeeaaallll swamp hands going on.

You know the type. Throwers who wipe their foreheads not to get sweat off their brows, but to get sweat off their palms.

Throwers who don’t need to lick envelopes because their thumbs have more moisture than any tongue out there.

The ones who can just hold instant ramen in their hands and it rehydrates.

The ICH takes care of all that with two — yes, TWO chalk options. Chalktions, if you will.

First, the soon-to-be-patented, Self-Chalking Application Mechanism (S.C.A.M.)

The S.C.A.M. is simple in its design and ingenious in its functionality.

To put it simply, the S.C.A.M. functions as part of a proprietary chalking system:

1. A perfectly-sized, proprietary hole in your axe handle OR a provided Axe Badger handle.
2. A one-time use, self chalking application mechanism (SCAM) placed in that proprietary hole.
3. A removable (proprietary) real-wood™ cover that perfectly blends into the axe handle, but when pressed, allows for the S.C.A.M. to activate

I’m sure it’s obvious to all of you, but one simply needs to load in a S.C.A.M. unit, replace the real-wood™ cover, and, whenever fresh chalk is needed, squeeze the axe handle to release the perfect amount (about 3 tablespoons worth) of chalk directly onto one’s outstretched hand*.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL

The ICH doesn’t stop with a S.C.A.M. On the other side of the handle, throwers will find three integrated, perfectly sized chalk cubes. These cubes allow throwers to chalk their fingers individually for even more control.

And before you ask – yes, these are made of a proprietary formula** proven to improve throwing performance and control moisture buildup.

An insider bit of information: we thought about calling these chubes, but in user testing, we found that name caused, at best, a lot of confusion, and at worst a bunch of gagging.

all for the low low price of $25*** dollars

And, dear readers, you might think you’ll need to spend hundreds on this innovative, game changing product. You might be saying “Badger, I’ll mail you all my custom axes if you’ll just give me one of these for less than three hundred bucks!”

Worry not — I don’t make products*** to make big money. No, no. These puppies will cost you less than…uh…twenty…twenty two-ish items from a dollar menu (with tax and all that). For just $25, you can revolutionize your throwing and maybe, you know, cause an “incident” at your axe house.

Become unforgettable. Get your ICH today!

*DO NOT ACTIVATE THE S.C.A.M. UNIT NEAR THE EYES OF THE OPPONENT OR YOURSELF. DO NOT INHALE THE CHALK RELEASED BY THE S.C.A.M. UNIT. SCAM UNIT MAY ACTIVATE UPON LOADING, NORMAL HANDLING, OR NORMAL THROWING OF AN AXE CONTAINING THE S.C.A.M. UNIT. DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE S.C.A.M. UNIT. DO NOT FEED THE S.C.A.M. UNIT AFTER MIDNIGHT. S.C.A.M. UNITS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO CAUSE DRY MOUTH, INSOMNIA AND INSTANTANEOUS PREGNACY REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER YOU GOT GOING ON DOWN THERE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REFILL THE S.C.A.M. UNIT AFTER SINGLE USE AS USER REFILL MAY RESULT IN TEMPORARY THERMONUCLEAR EVENT.

**We followed PK around during a tourney and collected all the chalk off his hands/shirt. Honestly, we have enough to not make any more of these until, like, 2036

***The Integrated Chalk Handle, single S.C.A.M. bottle and three chalk cubes are included in the $25.00 price. Upon purchase, all customers are instantly enrolled in a monthly subscription featuring replacement S.C.A.M. bottles and chalk cubes. Enrollment is mandatory, and costs $67.67 per month. To cancel, simply navigate the the new IATF app and submit a “request to cancel” form.