I know we're pretty lovey-dovey, everything is fun and great and everyone is fun and great and whatEVER here at Axe Badger headquarters, but I need to get something off of my hirsute chest: There are some real jackhorses out there. Some reeeeaaaaaaalllll clown factory employees in the wings. And I'm not going to pretend like they don't exist. Point in fact, I'm going to go ahead and call them out in a list. YEAH. YOU WANT A LIST?! I GOT YER LIST, BUB: THE WORST AXE THROWERS:
THOSE FREAKING AXE THROWERS WHO SHOUT AFTER THEY THROW, BUT BEFORE YOU DO.
Man-O-Days. Listen. Stop - listen to me.
I can be a chatty Cathy when I throw, if the other person is also a chatty Cathy. If we're just two chatty Cathys then it's all well and good - but during a throw, I clam up. Because, you know, I'm effing focused on the throw.
And I've been known to utter a curse under my breath if I've donked my throw.
BUT if you're the kind of thrower who throws and then CATERWAULS like someone just squeezed you about the middle - before I complete my throw - BEFORE I COMPLETE MY THROW?! Well, I don't know what to tell you, other than you've made my list of worst thrower types. Keep your ding dang mouth shut. Or just do a little dainty mutter to yourself. Don't go into hysterics while I'm trying to focus in. I'm not good enough to completely ignore you. Hush.
DONKUSES WHO SAY "WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!" WHEN KEEPING SCORE.
Listen. I get it. You're keeping score when suddenly Axescores decides to take a union break. It's a moment that causes a sudden panic. A fear. And you're tempted like hell to make the match stop for just a moment while the gerbil that powers the website gets a bit of water and starts spinning on his wheel again.
But, for a moment, consider that you can just, you know, write down the score for the round on a piece of paper. Or just remember it. There's no need to stop the match because of Axescores. Certainly there's no cause to stop the match at the moment when throwers are physically lining up their throw. Take a breath! Write down the score! Fix it in the (typical) 5 seconds it takes for the Axescores gerbil to get back from break!
3RD ROUND, 5TH THROW WAFFLERS.
There is no need to be demure or coy when deciding if you're going up or staying down.
And let me be clear: I don't mean thinking about it to yourself and weighing your options. That's fine. Think away, philosopher.
What I mean is when I look at the other thrower and they do that little face that communicates "well I certainly don't know what to do. Maybe you should decide and I'll see what you're planning first."
Friend. Friend-o. Just either say what you're planning or say "defer" and be done with it. Don't get cute with me. Don't be a cutey-pahtootie. In fact, if you wanna do that, just cut to the chase. Say "I want to win this match and am depending on you messing up, so go for clutch and miss so I can sheepishly get a 5" or whatever. I can respect that.
But yer little Betty Boop maneuver isn't adorable. It's the opposite. It's nondorable. Undorable. Undorable the Deplorable.
SLAM TAPPERS
The axe tap is one of the sweetest traditions we have in the sport. I love it. It makes me feel special every single time, and I don't quite know why - it feels like an ancient thing we've kept since the old times, despite the sport, you know, being less than a decade old as far as the IATF goes. But I'm prone to fantasy, and I like thinking there were IATF axe throwers in antiquity who tapped axes before throwing.
So when some JACKWIT decides tapping axes is a good time to prove they're...what...the alpha of tapping axes? It gets my goat. That goat being my immediate anger and grump.
Whether you're grumpy because you lost or trying to prove something or just kinda a jerk - all anyone wants is a solid tap.
Not a atom-shattering tap. Not a swing-for-the-fences tap. A tap like that is a "tomp" and I don't have time for it. Ain't nobody.
THE JINXERS WHO GETCHA.
I'm this one. One-Hundo-P.
The crime? Saying to an opponent "You're gonna get that [[clutch/bull/81]]!" only for said opponent to fail at getting a [[clutch/bull/81]]. Now, am I a superstitious thrower? Yes. But do I really believe that jinxing someone is possible?
Also yes.
So do us all a favor: if you think someone is making an 81 run, ESPESSSSHHHHHHHHH if it isn't common for that particular thrower to get an 81, keep it to yourself. Don't throw that jinx down on someone!
Anyway, that's my little ranty list about the worst throwers in the sport. Obviously it's not very serious and I don't know where this exactly came from, but here we are.
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