Tearing down to build back: is relearning to throw worth the heartache?

Sometimes, dear reader, sometimes the universe just lines stuff up for you to notice. To get your attention. The universe, in all its immense, unknowable indifference, sends you a series of coincidences just to make sure you're picking up what it's putting down.

And, for me anyway, it's nothing that ever really matters compared to the rest of what's going on. But it's fun, so I thought I'd call it out.

Recently, as a sister to the article RYODHAI wrote, the fine folks of Big Twig released a podcast episode featuring our intrepid Aussie Axe Badger as he kinda did an extended interview with the hosts:

And something they said just slapped me in the face like a seagull wing (in this case, the seagull stole my last french fry, I guess).

Destroy to rebuild.

The thing said was, generally, that one needs to have resolve - to take a few steps back before going forward. And may-o-naise I am feeling that.

As many of you may know, I've been trying to adjust my throw into something not bad (a big change for me). And while I am feeling more confident about it every single day, my stats prove out that "steps back to move forward" idea:

Whoopsie doodles.

Now, you may say "Badger, averages and high scores aren't everything. And you'd be right. There's also how well one does in matches...

WELLLLPPPP

I haven't done this poorly in a league since my 3rd league ever in 2021. And that's gonna make anyone have feelings about their performance. And I'm not different.

But as you'll hear in that podcast (and, in my case, on the winds of the universe), sometimes you gotta take a hit to your stats/sense of ability/sense of self in order to rebuild yourself in a big way. And I reckon that's exactly what I'm doing. Right? ...Right?

The panic sets in.

It would be an outright lie to say that I've not had my doubts. Or my grumps. Or my doubtful grumps.

It could be, of course, that I shouldn't have changed my throw. That I coulda just honed in the throw I was using and continued to hope that my weird, home-grown shit was the right shit. But, fundamentally, I know that would be the wrong move.

I can feel the potential of my new throw. It feels more predictable. More accurate (despite all indications otherwise). It feels like it has room to grow - or I have room to grow within it. It deffo conserves energy, which also means, by my reckoning, it'll be more consistent in marathons and such.

But, then again, maybe I'm totes wrong about all of it. As my She's-my-mentor-without-knowing-it mentor, Axe James told me, my previous throw is...unique...but seems to work for me - so why change it? Am I messing up my throw (and my ability to, you know, win any match at all) for no good reason? How can I even figure out if that's the case?

The truth of it: who knows, but it's worth the fresh feeling of achievement.

There has been an unexpected result of all this new-throw learning. This throwning.

I am 100% not confident in the outcome of any match I have. New throwers, experienced throwers. Doesn't matter. I don't even know if I could tell you who I threw against over the past 2 weeks. I've hella focused on figuring out this new throw, and that's an experience I haven't had since, well, maybe the winter of 2021.

Not for nothing, but even as I bemoan the frustrations of not winning any matches/sinking my average/ruining my Collins Rating (who cares), I am really excited by the novelty of not being sure. I am getting a chance to learn axe throwing again, and that's pretty fun, tbh.

Anyway, keep on the lookout for a post maybe 3 weeks from now where I say all of this was a big mistake and I'm going back to my wacky-ass throw, but for now I'm excited to learn, and that's good enough for me.