New Rule: Don't ask about the 5th throw.

There is little that gets in my craw when it comes to an axe throwing match. You wanna celebrate a perfect throw? Do it. You wanna talk some trash? I'm excited, you sanitary specialist. But there's one thing, JUST. ONE. That gets my goat better than a T-Rex as a poorly constructed petting zoo.

It's when someone asks what their competitor wants to do for the 5th throw. ESPECIALLY the 5th throw in the final round.

And I can hear you now, dear reader, starting that growl that will turn into a stream of whataboutisms and other such nonsense. To combat this (and to give you a voice in this little diatribe), I've asked blogfriend Chapman to create an advocate for you:

Meet Clutchy!

Clutchy will act as voice for the people who, right or wrong, take umbrage with the points I'm making. Clutchy will be the voice of the people. Clutchy loves you, but in the way that a character who has axes thrown at it all the time would love you.

ASKING ABOUT THE 5TH THROW TAKES AWAY ALL AGENCY

Asking about what your fellow player (the one you're ahead of) plans to do with their 5th throw immediately takes away any agency they have. The logic behind this is pretty straightforward - you're really making the other thrower decide what you're going to do. In my opinion, that goes against the spirit of the game (if not the spirit of the rules, which do say it's the job of the throwers to discuss the 5th throw).

You, as the player in the lead, decide what you're going to do with your final throw. Don't put it up to committee. If you're too scared that you'll miss the clutch and will lose the round, stay down. If you feel like you can safely make the clutch, go for the clutch. Don't turn to your opponent and force them to decide whether they surely lose or they maybe lose. It's not their decision to make.

THAT'S THE WORST MINDSET YOU COULD HAVE, CLUTCHY

Let me put it this way: If you're in a position where going for clutch (and missing) could make you lose a match in the 5th throw when you're in the lead, maybe it's you who should do the better throwing. How about that, bub?

But in a less challenging tone: sure. Your opponent could have tied you, making a discussion about what to do on the 5th throw a bit more viable - but that didn't happen. Axe throwing is one of those few sports where you're competing against yourself as much as you're competing against another thrower, and I think in the case of the 5th throw, it should be an individual decision. If you're up in points, you throw first. You don't get to choose what your opponent is gonna do beforehand.

YOU'RE A DUMB HOT TAKE.

And so is your face.

Obviously there are a lot of situations where asking about the 5th throw makes sense. Maybe you wanna give your opponent a shot to go to big axe or maybe just win a match. Maybe you're both equal in your abilities and want to make it more challenging. Maybe the other thrower has an injury or some such where asking makes a lot of good, kind sense.

But if you're just asking because you wanna win, maybe don't. Just throw your throw.

BONUS CONTENT

Chapman, our blogfriend and real-life friend, even, created a video of the creation of the new, proprietary Clutchy. Watch below: