At the start of November my good friend, and all round great human being Matt Evison (aka Happy Axemore) is helping host the IATF major event the Norse Regionals at Valhalla Melbourne, and I will sadly be missing out. With the average distance for Australian interstate events being 700+ Km (435+ miles) and a weekend away for axe throwing normally costing north of $500 (on a budget) making every event on the Pacific Calendar is a big commitment and logistically out of reach for most people.
That’s not even considering family, work, and other such “Non-Axe” commitments. As a public service, then, let’s see what we here at the Axe Badger blog can do to help you overcome as many obstacles as possible so you can get to more events each year.
Disclaimer: here there won’t be any monetary assistance from us
These following ideas are still in the works, or they require some ground work from you to instigate. I picture these as being best suited to helping you navigate around work commitments, but they can be used in any situation really. So here they are: tips for escaping the FOMO of missing axe throwing tourneys:
RECLASSIFYING IATF ROLES
Now, this needs everyone to chip in and help out. Starting immediately we all refer to scoring and lane judging at IATF events as “Community Service”. It’s not even a lie, it’s free work done to serve the community.
Then when we have that pesky Uncle’s birthday to ditch, or work is asking you to put in some overtime, over a tournament weekend, you just say, “I would love to, but I’ve got my Community Service commitment on those dates, it’s something I can’t reschedule sorry."
You’d be surprised how quickly mentioning Community Service shuts down awkward conversations.
Of course, now and then it leads to other even more awkward conversations at a later date, but hey - you still got to the Tournament! Plus how baller will it be in the meantime asking someone to “take over my community service, I’ve got a match on now?"
THE JUDICIAL ROUTE
This next one is going to take some sweet talking of the event organizers, so I recommend playing the long game here, and start schmoozing as many venue hosts as possible for as long as possible. I’m talking sending them elaborate gifts, flying them away for vacations, arranging for their kid’s tuition to be paid, the whole “Clarence Thomas” package, or whatever your budget and resources will stretch to (flattery and out of date chocolates in my case).
Having sufficiently earned their fealty use it by getting them to name their event “Jury Duty," with strangely legal looking “Invitations” sent out to everyone who signs up, saying they have been officially summonsed to insert location on insert date for Jury Duty. You may even get paid for taking the time off without losing Annual Leave. Genius!
AXE THROWING AS THERAPY
One potentially for the near future; I’ve sent off a petition to the local Medical Association to have Axe Throwing recognised as an official mental health Therapy. If my plan works out we’ll all be able to get a referral from our treating doctors. Arranging time off work, or getting out of family commitments will be as simple as telling them we’ve got a specialist appointment for therapy and it has to be that specific date and time, it was the only appointment available for the next month or so.
Also (skip this part if you’re American) with any luck we could get a Medicare rebate on the cost of the tickets…errr therapy!
Having completely solved all your work related issues, let me spend a minute on potential matters closer to home.
BALANCING THE LOVE(S) OF YOUR LIFE
If you find yourself in a relationship where your significant other is jealous of your time away, and misses you too much to want you gone that long / often, rejoice in your perfect life and consider yourself lucky. I’m still going to help you out though, we’re a “big tent” blog with something for everyone, I’ve got you covered.
Being away for 2 to 3 days from this amazing person is risky, and you should only do it sparingly and with great care. In the lead up ensure the environment you’re leaving them in is as ideal and stress free as possible. Clean up the house, have some prepared meals stored in the fridge, get the pets groomed (maybe even get them kennelled), call their friends and have them visit while you’re away.
Now you’re going to want to get creative here and you’re probably already thinking rose petals and scented candles, or expensive wine etc. But that would be a huge mistake, there’s a fine line here between expressing love and looking guilty. If you go too overboard it’s going to look like you’re covering up for planned transgressions.
Don’t forget to seal the deal when you get home, and no I’m not talking about in the bedroom get your minds out of the gutter. Although absolutely do that as well, but not straight away, you animals.
THE PLAYBOOK: IT'S ABOUT THEM.
Come back with energy and enthusiasm, showing them how invigorating and energizing the event was for you. We all want the best for our loved ones they will be thrilled, thank them 2 or 3 times in the first 10 minutes of your return for making it possible for you to go.
What you must strive to do, and this will be a fight against your every instinct, is NOT regale them with hour after hour of stories about how strangely named characters did strangely named things with strangely named objects. Instead give very brief and sweeping generalisations about what happened, and quickly pivot to asking them how their time was.
Pour them a drink, massage their feet, cook them dinner and sit in raptured silence as they tell you what they’ve been up to. Wait to be asked, and then give meaningful but succinct answers about the people and the tourneys from your time away. You’ll know you’re doing it right if they have to ask you at least 2 questions per anecdote.
Hopefully this advice helps you all get out to more events, if you found any of these points at all useful be sure to drop me a line and let me know. For now, all the best to you all, and best of luck for anyone heading to the Norse major event.
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