It's the...3rd(?) day of Clutchmiss, and I wanted to give a gift to all of you before the IATF fills your head with a bunch of malarky about the hows and whys of the AxeScores Collins Rating system.
As you may have seen in a recent post, the IATF is gathering questions from throwers around Collins Ratings, or CRS. This ellusive element of AxeScores both entrances and confuses throwers. I often look at is with the same awe as - I assume - I'd look at the Oracle of Delphi. But not like that Spartans version where the old guys were licking her and she was suspended in water/air/the magic of prognostication.
The investigative teams here at Axe Badger HQ have been hard at work this holiday season, breaking into the sealed, underground records of IATF and bringing back hard facts about CRS - truths that the IATF don't want you to know.
CRS TRUTH: How CRS is calculated.
One of the most confusing elements of CRS is how, exactly, it gets to the number tied to a thrower's performance. Well, wonder no longer, because your ol' buddy badger has the answer:
You see. Listen. Sit down for a second.
The CRS calculation starts with a dream.
A dream beginning in the sleeping mind of...the dreamer.
And what do they dream? They dream of creation. Of destruction. Of a world where the entirety of our hopes can sit on the head of a pin. A place where our mothers, stretching back to the beginning of time, look down on us and smile with the pity of knowledge.
And when that dreamer awakes. Oh, when they wake - the earth itself screams with the terror of prophecy.
And that person - that god among us - throws a dart at a wall full of numbers and there you go. People who send in ten bucks get a second dart throw and it's added to the first. Dustin Kerr put the Dreamer's kids through college.
CRS TRUTH: what those numbers are showing.
The easiest way to think about your Collins rating is to imagine 5,747 six-year olds. Your collins rating is how many of those children you could take out before they win.
Listen, I'm not comfortable with it, but that's just what our research determined. I don't think it's right, either. What's important to keep in mind: the CRS rating also takes into account your willingness to harm children. So if you're ranked higher in the CRS system, it means you're really into getting into street fights with hopped-up kids. so...like...¯\_(ツ)_/¯ okay, top 10 throwers. That's between you and Ol' Saint Clutchy, I guess.
CRS TRUTH: how are these numbers used?
This is probably the EASIEST question to answer (even though the IATF will prolly tell you some nonsense about what THEY WANT you to believe.
CRS numbers exist only so axe throwers will check AxeScores randomly throughout the day. That's it. That's the whole reason.
The IATF and AxeScores muckity-mucks got together and did some back-room dealing to work out a clandestine way to hook axe throwers. The IATF got the physical side of our addiction, and AxeScores gets the digital side. We're getting hit from every angle, dear reader.
So, now you have the real information to help guide you, all before the IATF releases whatever well-groomed, PR-firm-generated word salad they serve up. Yer welcome, as always!