Chalk Bags: Alternative Options for non-chalk users.

It cannot be said that axe throwers don't like their accessories. Axe bags, sheaths, battle vests...we like looking the part and having all of the little doodads that identify us with our small, strange community.

But sometimes the accessory doesn't quite match the need. To wit, I am currently using a rifle bag as an axe bag, despite only having a hatchet and a big axe. It's overkill, but I wanna have the look because lerd knows I don't have the innate skills to identify as an axe thower. Fake til you make, amirite?

But there's a more universal axe-sessory which, truly, not everyone needs (but plenty of people want to need: the chalk bag.

This got me to thinking: how can we, as a community, satisfy the need to have EVERY element an axe thrower carries without the need for a particular item's actual purpose.

Okay, real talk: this thinking came to me from Chøpman, who said this first suggestion out loud as we were walking into Meduseld Meadery. So here are a few suggestions of alternative options for using a chalk bag for anything other than chalk.

Instead of chalk, why not candy?

Everyone likes treats. They are a delight. So if you wanna carry a chalk bag but cringe at the thought of making your hands look like some sort of horrible miming accident gone wrong, fill 'er up with your favorite candy. This works particularly well with gummy worms, skittles, or any difficult-to-melt delight.

Go the exact opposite and fill your chalk bag with Gak.

For those of you who don't make a series of depressing noises when you first start moving in the morning, Gak was a commercial kid's toy. It was...huh...it was a sort of plastic slime?

It was very popular with kids in my elementary school, mostly because you could make toot sounds in class and teachers had no real way of finding out who did it17 times in a row. Eventually, South Hanover Elementary outlawed Gak, resulting in a black market that made me the Gak king of recess. But I digress.

Filling a chalk bag with Gak gives you a nice sort of figit-toy option, and surely helps throw off your competitor. Dead eye them whilst pulling a long, unending line of goop from your axe bag. How can anyone make sense of that? How could they possibly focus, knowing you're the kind of person who carries a pound of slime with them? Game, set, match.

A mirror, or hand-written affirmations

All of us occasionally need a reminder that we're good enough. And, frankly, none of us do a good enough job reassuring ourselves. Enter the positivity-bag. Simply get a little mirror to put in your chalk bag that, when you open the top, gives you a clear view of your own face. Look at yourself. Tell yourself you're doing great - that you're a special person with a special gift to give to the world. Namely, that gift is a clutch or big axe bull. Whatever. This technique will make sure there's always someone in your corner - and that someone is you.

But if you feel like that's too much pressure in the moment, or you're like me and the sight of yourself is a horrifying prospect, you can forgo the hope-improv and fill a chalk bag with hand-written affirmations. About to throw against the number one person in the league? Grab an affirmation. Need to make a clutch to stay in the tourney? Yup - reach for your chalk bag.

Here are a few examples to get your started:

• Hey, bud. You're a gem.

• I believe in you, me.

• Whether you make this clutch or not, I still think you're premier.

• This is one free ticket for a hug.

• You're the best me we could ask for.

What's nice about this particular option is that you could ask fellow throwers to toss some of their own affirmations. Sure, you'll likely get a ton of penis drawings and more than likely a few pieces of gum wrapped up in paper, but that's the risk you take.

A little, talking mouse that can grant you two wishes, but is really hard of hearing.

LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME. DON'T EVER ASK THE MOUSE FOR A WISH. I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, LIL' GRIMPUS IS A LOVELY CREATURE BUT HE CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING AND YOUR WISH WILL GO BAD. PLEASE JUST TREAT HIM WITH RESPECT AND FEED HIM WHENEVER HE'S HUNGRY BUT DO. NOT. ASK. FOR. WISHES.