Pebbles sent in another banger of a post, and I just couldn't find a reason to wait on publishing it. So put on your tin foil hat and get your red yarn ready -
Axe Throwing Conspiracy Theories
Imagine with me if you will, you’re in a lane, throwing at the target, but the axe isn’t doing what you’re willing it to do, “These boards are trash” you say, to no one in particular.
No, they aren’t. Are you thanking the boards when you throw well? No! When it’s going well it's you, all skill, being kickass at axe throwing.
So, who should you blame? Yourself? Absolutely not. That’s too much self-reflection, but we need to blame someone.
Welcome to the wonderful world of axe throwing conspiracy theories.
Magnets
The venues installed magnets behind the boards again, it’s the only thing that makes sense. How is it hitting the exact same spot every time outside the bull. Your axe head? Metal! Magnets attract? METAL. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
Secret Cosmic Wind
Einstein originally used a cosmological constant in his theory of relativity when it was believed that the universe was static, eventually Edwin Hubble confirmed that the universe was expanding, and the constant was removed. However, in 1998 observations showed that the expansion of the universe was accelerating, and thanks to that cosmological constant, many cosmologists and astronomists propose that dark energy is driving the expansion of the universe. Is dark energy also responsible for your 79? Cosmologists are suspiciously quiet on the subject.
Wizard did it
These failed throws can only be explained by supernatural forces – something magical from another dimension turning those 5s into 3s, 3s into 1s and premier clutches into premier drops. A wizard practicing their craft? THAT’S WHY THE THROWS ARE INCONSISTENT JEFF. Magic is hard. Maybe ask that thrower in the corner with the pointy hat why he’s waving that extremely thin axe handle around when you’re throwing.
The lines are actually snakes
You line up in the same spot you always do, but the axe isn't landing right? Maybe the lines are in a different spot? How is that possible?
Snakes obviously.
The black box? Red bellied black snake.
The red line? An upside down red bellied black snake.
The blue line? A cold red bellied black snake.
It's snakes all the way down.
So don't blame the boards, don't blame yourself, blame the magnetic wizard space snakes.
Closing thoughts/bonus conspiracy theories
**Other conspiracy theories that won’t affect your throw directly but will help you in your quest for the truth:
Prem rules is a ploy from big clutch to get more people “going up”
Joey the Hat🎩 has been Ratatouilled since 2019
Playing the Big Twig podcast backwards three times in a row will summon Stagger, the only way to exorcise him is to give him at least 2/3 of your burrito.
The IATF is a front for the logging industry. They’re distracting you by making CRS confusing.
Goose is actually a Duck.
WAKE UP SHEEPLE.
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