Wherever you have people enjoying something, you will have other people trying to make a buck on it. And while this isn't a blog that discusses the nature of free-reign capitalism or how all war is class war, this is a blog that delves deep into fleeting thoughts I have while waiting for my dandruff shampoo to start tingling during shower times.
Whether it comes from an over-exposure to late-night infomercials, a desperate mind-grab for your attention or simply the drugs kicking in, here are 5 axe throwing scams that I am amazed have yet to be attempted.
AXE THROWING GLOVES
Axe throwers love accessories. Things that identify them as a part of the sport, show their dedication and somehow disposable income.
Some motivated jackalope could certainly buy twenty boxes of cheap gloves from any other sport and market them as axe-throwing specific. Something to increase/decrease your grip, protect your fingies and make you look like someone from the 1930's about to go on a little jaunt around town to see a man about a parcel of land.
Retail price: $50.99, per glove.
AIMING RING
Hitting the clutch - we all want it, but we all know the brutal sting of missing by the tiniest of margins. Well, friend, donked shots can be a thing of the past with the TRU-AIM ring.
With TRU-AIM, you simply line up your shot and boom-shaka-laka, you're on your way to the 81 club EVERY MATCH.
I don't know how I switched from wondering about possible scams to fully trying to sell stuff I put together in MS paint but here we are.
I'd recommend buying one for each finger so you can be 10x more accurate.
Retail price: $300. $600 through WATL, But with 3% off per friend you get to buy one.
AXE WHISTLES
Okay, honestly I'm going to try this one, as the more I think about it, the more I like the idea. Why hasn't anyone out there tried to sell little whistles one attaches to their axe so it makes a fun little noise as it flies to the target? Honest to goodness this is a good idea and I'm ashamed we haven't done it yet, as a collective.
I figure you put two of these on your axe facing opposite directions and BOOM. You're the most favorite axe thrower in league.
Retail price: Literally $10 for 12 of these, plus the cost of tape. Just do it please. For me. Do it for your old buddy Badger and send me videos of it. I need this in my life.
AXE THROWING VR, BUT ONLY OF KEEPING SCORE
Now I know (through a 5-second search just before writing this sentence) that VR axe throwing exists. But that's not really the most thrilling part of our sport. We all know it's keeping score.
So why not enjoy ignoring your friends and stressing out when you realize you've have the lanes wrong until the final throw in the 3rd round ANYWHERE?! With SCOR-VR, you can live out those heady days of keeping score for a bunch of reprobates in the comfort of your own home!
Imagine it. Feel guilty about making your own match the next one up! Hear the realistic sound of Gary as he passive-aggressively asks what throw it is even though you shouted it twice already! Wait for SO LONG while the screen gets stuck and two fellow leaguers stare at you like it's your fault!
Retail price: $50 a month, plus whatever you'll need to cover therapy.
BESPOKE NICKNAME CREATION SERVICE
Does everyone in league have a fun, quirky nickname except for you? Did your attempt to get the nickname "PlAxe Master" not work out, even though you kept reminding people you're a dental hygienist and do the floss after every clutch? Worry no more.
By filling out a simple survey, you can find the perfect nickname for AxeScores/League! For an extra charge, it can even be one that is almost complimentary.
Retail price: $40-60, based on how annoying the nickname is to you, plus $10 a month as long as you keep going by the nickname.
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